😢

How i wish i had a good and fair skin.. sedihnya rasa.. cukuplah masalah kulit yang dah sedia ada 😞 dari kecik hidup dengan kulit yg bermasalah. Makin besar makin hilang confidence nk jumpa org. Rasa mcm nk berkurung je tk nak jumpa sape sape..

Memang org ckp okay la apa lah tp yg menghadapnya kita 😢 and i know org bercakap sekadar nak jaga hati je tapi kita yg merasa semuanya 😢 

Bukan tak bersyukur tp cuma nk meluah sendiri 😢 i feel so ugly 😢 i hate myself so much. Rasa mcm tk nk pandang cermin 😢 

Lose it again.

 I finally realise, it’s been almost 3 years you made your decision to leave me and kick me out of your life after all we’ve been thru, after all i’ve done for you, after all i’ve sacrificed for you. The pain is still there and i dont think it would go away. I dont know why i still get hurt whenever those thoughts come. 

It hurts when you’ve done your very best for the person you love the most, but then he still has the guts to leave you like theres nothing valueable between us. I fought for us but still you were holding too tight on your decision to give up on us. It really hurts.. i’ve got a million reasons to leave, but i only need one reason to stay.. but still you chose to end everything.. 

you threw me so far away until i got lost, and i didnt know how to find my way back to you. 

Until now, it still hurt. The pain would never go away. You left a deep scar on me and my heart. I was so tired of crying and wondering why this bad dream happened to me.. “why me”. It hurts so bad only Allah knows.. the only way to forget you is to die. That is why sometimes i wish i would just die.. 

i dont know.. if you wanna go, just go and dont come back. Dont give me more pain bcause i really cant bear it. Your decision ruined big part of my life.. i was lost cause you were part of me which i thought would always stay and never leave me cause your love felt so real. 

Turns out… i guess it’s not. Maybe it’s just me who always dreamed of having a real love from you and happy life with you. I picked every broken piece of me, alone. Every day every night i tried to patch my heart again but then the moment i remembered every memory of us, it broke again, again, and again. It’s too painful for me.

Knowing you’re enjoying your life happily while i was suffering with all the good and bitter memories of us, hurts me more and more. I prayed to Allah to let you feel how i feel because it’s not fair.. why am i the only one who’s suffering? 

This blog holds everything.. used to hope that you would read everything but it’s too late. Parts of me wanted you to know that i’m still in pain. Parts of me wanted you to know that i’m happy. But i dont know. My heart hurts everytime i hear your name.. the trauma you leave makes me scared. Makes me scared that it might make me cry again.. 

i dont know.. if i could turn back time, i would never allow you to enter my life. If i knew it hurts so much, i would never give you my love. My love was real and honest. I thought that was enough to make you love me and stay with me forever. But then i was wrong.. i was wrong.. that day, i just need one word, one message, one call from you to heal everything. But i got nothing… waiting for you was a torture for me. 

Im scared to be with you again. I dont want to cry anymore. Holding my tears, waiting for you everynight, hoping for your calls, begging for your time and attention. Those were the things that scared me the most. You threw me away and i dont know how to find my way back to you.. 

Now i can see you have found your true love.. who can make you happy and all the things i’ve failed to do for you.. 

i found mine too.. i found mine too.. 

meeting you was a regretful thing in my life.. Bcause it ruins a part of me and leave a very deep scar on my heart… so deep. So deep. It still hurt me. But i always ask Allah to give me the strength to go on with my life… Allah is the best planner and to Allah only i seek help.. 

dont come back. Just go and dissapear. Cause if you did, my scars might bleed again 🥺 let me rest cause im tired of crying. Please.. i’ve been hurt enough.. please go and dont come back.. 

😞

I am living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die 😢

😞

 You know what hurts me the most? 

Bila aku jumpa atau tertengok video pasal perangai pasangan kita berubah dgn kita, pasal mcm mana pasangan abaikan kita, mcm mana kita sanggup buat semua untuk pasangan but didnt get the same in return, pasal org yg kita sayang janji takkan sakitkan kita jadi org yg buat kita sakit sgt atau video video yg mcm tu.. 

bila aku tngok video mcm tu automatik aku akan jadi mcm ya Allah sedihnya rasa sbb aku hadapi semua tu and aku masih boleh rasa sakit tu mcm mana 😢

Kdg kdg aku cuba elak tapi aku tk boleh 😢 sakitnya ya Allah..

Dah masuk 3 tahun dh alu tkde apa apa dgn dia tp sakit tu masih ada lagi 😢 sakit tu tk hilang 😢 tolong lah hilang tolong la pergi jauh jauh 😢 aku harap sgt satu hari aku jatuh ke apa apa and terus hilang ingtan 😢 benda ni sakit sgt untuk aku hadap 😢 

Aku tahu aku dh tunang, nk kahwin dh pun. Tapi apa yg aku boleh buat 😢 tak senang… Allah je tahu mcm mana sakit, sedih, kecewa yg aku rasa 😢💔

Kalau ikutkan hati aku, aku tk bersedia lagi nk kahwin 😢 kdg kdg aku rasa mcm terpaksa dgn semua ni.. aku tk bersedia lagi 😞 ya Allah.. 

tolong la ya Allah. Semoga satu hari aku dpt bebetul terima takdir aku.. 

Real life

 I guess i need to really accept the fact of life. Be more grateful, put Allah first in my heart 🥺 i dont know why i keep on letting my self to live in sadness. 

Kalau aku sorg sorg tu mula lah fikir benda yang tah pape. 

Just be happy emmy. Just be happy. Jangan terlalu fikir negatif, terlalu fikirkan masa lalu, fikirkan benda yg dah lepas. Apa yg jadi semuanya bersebab. 

Jangan biarkan diri kau hanyut layan perasaan je.. 

haih. Entahlah. Ckp mudahkan, tp nk laluinya tu Allah je yg tahu. 

Kan best kalau boleh reset memori dalam kepala kita ni. 

You look happy, im so happy for you. I hope i can be happy too without thinking why life hits me so hard 🥺 

:’(

 I am so low at my life right now and it hurts so fucking bad 😢

:’(

 Hi.. setelah sekian lama tak update apa apa.. saje nk cerita.. hritu dak adik ada ckp yg khai ada buat story gambar perempuan… 

Lepastu td pun khairina ada ws ckp ada org tnya dia pasal aku dgn khai.. sbb dia kata dia nmpak story khai post gmbar perempuan and perempuan tu junior finance dulu.. 

aku ingt je dulu dia ada cerita yg junior minat kt dia.. lepastu bila aku tnya khairina nama budak tu skali khairina sebut nama budak yg sama khai pernah cerita dulu.. 

aku gembira but at the same time aku sedih.. tak tahu kenapa. Mungkin sedih sbb tk dpt jadi yg terbaik untuk dia. Mungkin gembira sbb dia jumpa org yg mampu jaga and happy kan dia 🥹

Entahlah.. betul aku dh move on.. tp kdg kdg tu mcm terfikir jugak, rasa sedih tiba tiba, rasa berharap tiba tiba tu dtg jugak.. rasa nk menjerit kuat kuat rasa mcm kenapa semua ni jadi dekat aku kenapa aku kena hadap semua ni.. kecewa sakit semua ada 🥺

Ya Allah.. aku percaya dengan qada & qadar yg kau tentukan untuk aku, cuma aku bukan hamba yg kuat untuk aku terima semua dgn mudah.. aku terima tapi aku perlukan masa untuk redha.. walaupun aku ckp aku redha tp ada masanya aku rasa lemah sgt sampai persoalkan semuanya 🥺😞😢

Semoga engkau akan sentiasa tabahlan hati aku untuk terima semua ketentuanmu ya Allah 🥺😞😞