4 years

For 4 years, i thought i have someone who would truly loves me till my last breath.

For 4 years, i learn to love someone despite his weaknesses.

For 4 years, i try to take care of someone's heart and feeling but not mine.

But, in the end, it all gone.

i thought i knew him. the real him. but now, im confuse :'( whom should i believe..

it hurts :'( sakitnya :'( sakitnya bila dengar macam macam benda walaupun dah cuba untuk fikir positif.. 

bukan tak boleh terima kenyataan tapi asyik terfikir kenapa aku :'(

kenapa aku bodoh sgt :'( kenapa aku biarkan org gunakan aku :'(

betul ke apa yg aku dengar & apa yg org cakap :"( atau aku kema fikir positif yg aku kenal perangai dia mcm mana :"(

4 tahun :'(

aku harap sgt aku akan terus kuat, tak menangis lagi and boleh lalui kehidupan mcm biasa. i miss my old life.. 

kadang-kadang rasa mcm nak pergi jauh sangat. nak nangis puas-puas.. nak mula semula kehidupan yang baru, nak lupakan benda yang pernah jadi dalam hidup.. 

today is my birthday, and i cant believe im writing this while crying in my room.. in the dark. feeling so alone. i have no one to share this sadness but this old blog. this very deep site where no one could ever find.. 

kalau betulla apa yang org cakap tu, sampai hati buat aku mcm ni :'( kenapa aku yang kena :'( sakitnya bila kita betul-betul ikhlas sayangkan seseorang tapi semua tu tak dihargai :'( i thought it would be my first and my last but i was too stupid to think of that way. kenapa la aku boleh yakin sgt :'(

i have nothing to prove but my sincerity.. aku tahu aku tak cantik... tak pandai bergaya.. tak seayu perempuan perempuan dekat luar sana.. mcm mana aku boleh terlalu yakin yang org akan suka and bertahan dengan aku sampai bila-bila.. ya Allah bodohnya aku..

i dont hate you.. sikit pun tak. i just hope you would find someone far better than me.. 

im sorry for not being the best person but i just want you to know that i tried very hard to be one :"(

happy birthday emmy :"( semoga terus kuat emmy... dont cry :"(